God's Calling

People have often asked me why I became a deacon. Was there a specific reason? Was there a calling? Initially, when these question began to be proposed to me, I responded that there was a calling of sorts back in grammar school. I had thoughts of the priesthood since then. But after a visit this week with my mother, I was reminded of a calling much earlier than this.

Let me begin with the first comment. As we were closing in on graduation from St. Robert Bellarmine School in Bayside, New York, the priests came to the classroom and spoke with the boys about the priesthood. If it was a consideration, we were encouraged to go the Cathedral Preparatory High Scool Seminary. Here was an all boy school with a student base of young men who were considering the priesthood as an option. I was intrigued. In fact I sort of thought the idea was  kind of interesting, serving God's people. However, there were other pressures to go elsewhere. My parents were not sure if the priesthood was right. At that time I had a problem dealing with death, so perhaps that was a consideration. I also had the I intrigue of the opposite sex, and that was a totally different consideration. I chose St Francis Prep High School.

At St. Francis, during junior year, I was considering the priesthood again. I began to speak with Msgr.  Coney, then Fr. Cooney, about the possibility. I was meeting with him on a not so regular basis. At that same time, I began to date a young lady,who would eventually become my wife. Fr. Jim  thought that perhaps my interest in the priesthood was not as exclusive as it should be and advised me to wait. I had no problem with that, since I had fallen in love with my future wife and was not sure how to tell him this.

Mary and I attended the same college, married right after and started our family. Years later, while we were both active in the parish music ministry, I heard a description of the ministry of deacon at a mass on vocation Sunday. I was intrigued and Mary supported my desire to check it out. The rest, as they say, is history.

But here the story does not end. After ordination. After my run in with dark figures (see earlier post). I began to see faces and events in my mind as I prepared for sleep. These are people I had never seen before and I events that I do not recognize. I have tried relating them to my own life experiences or thoughts at the time, but there is o connection and they are never the same. Up until recently, I was an observer of a silent show. The events would take place, but I would see them and here nothing. I have discussed this with several people, priests and lay persons, and my conclusion is that Godis sending these to me for a reason, I just have not understood what that reason is yet.

Now here is the interesting part. While visiting my mother, she reminded me that I could ot sleep well when I was younger. She said I complained that as I tried to go to sleep I would hear voices. Suddenly I saw a connection. I had forgotten this fact and immediately related the recalled events with theses new mages I am seeing. And, perhaps there in was my problem dealing with death.

Although I am still trying to make sense of all this, me thing has e come extremely clear to me. God called me at a very young age. The plan was always for me to be in His service. And the call continues. I am just on a very slow path to discerning what that call fully means.

So perhaps you too are called by God. Perhaps. You too are having a hard time hearing or nderstanding His voice. Perhaps you too should sit in the stillness and pray, 'O Lord, what are you trying to tell me today?' I pray this at night, and He continues to to tell me, I just need to continue to try to understand.